The Pain of the Push

The Pain Of The Push

 

I often write about relationships, and this time shall be no different. The course and product of every relationship will be altered continually. The alterations determine what the relationship looks like and what it will produce. A relationship can produce various types of products such as; hate, depression, frustration, resentment, abuse, stress, death, love, joy, hope, creativity, fulfillment, pleasure, salvation, or even future presidents. Manufacturers know that every product always starts off as raw materials. It then moves to work in process. The last stage is called finished product. This very point is the desire of every customer's heart. We all want the exact product at the exact time that we desire it. The customer is always right! This is the unfortunate attitude that most of us take in our relationships with others. We never make it to the finished good that we hope for. We stop pushing while its still a work in process. One of the keys to success in having any good relationships is pushing through the pain of the process. Come along for the read and let me see if I can assist in the success.

I want my readers to first know that I can relate to the personal pain of pushing through hard times in a relationship. When I say relationship, I am not just talking about boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife pairings. Just this very afternoon, I experienced yet another trying moment with my family. I felt thoroughly unappreciated for a small stretch. I have a wife who is mother of two girls and two boys in my household. At times, I think every member of my six member household is insane. This thought climaxed for a few minutes directly after church (of all places). I was communicating (attempting) with my children as we drove toward our home. I began at least seven conversations. Three of my children never responded with any answer remotely close to the subject. The fourth did not want to be bothered at all. The thing that tipped the iceberg was when my wife got a bit snappy with me because I did not agree that it was humid enough to cut on the air conditioner. Life and relationships are a process that a person of sanity does not always willfully choose to take part in.

This atmosphere in the car disturbed me deeply because emotions trigger other emotions that are not welcome or constructive for the moment. I suddenly felt like I was in the middle of a Chevy Chase Lampoon movie. I told my wife that I used to be the person in the relationship that had chemical imbalances when hungry or tired. That monstrous behavior has apparently transferred to her by osmosis, and I partially take blame. It is kind of like a cold; I had it first. As we bickered, I mentioned that she never behaved so snappy in the past. We have know each other from age 16 until approaching 40 (WOW Jarring Moment). Every issue from the past that had anything to do with poor communication culminated all at that one precipice. I exclaimed to my wife that everyone in the car was either crazy or disrespectful. I further exclaimed that I made a concerted effort over the years to become the total opposite of a raging, chemically imbalanced antagonist. She now walked in those shoes, and my children were her clones. This was the misreckoning of the moment.

There, I sat driving in reflective silence while everyone else carried on as usual. Everyone has experienced such a reflection. It is when you ask yourself rather it is you who is crazy or if it is them. While you await your conclusion, you whisk out all sort of unreasonable resolutions such as; not talking to any of them any more, sharing my wisdom and humor with another family, or just yield to the dark side and do whatever they want, whenever they want. I clamored to come to grips with the reality of the situation. The pressure is always greater when a person asserts that they are the expert, or like an expert in a particular field , and that is the area that the trouble manifests itself. Social workers are embarrassed and befuddled when they have to come to grips with having a behaviorally challenged child. Teachers hate it when they try everything and they fail to help their own kid become academically sound. What firefighter wants an arsonist as a son or daughter? I mean, preachers have never appreciated bailing their boy out of the slammer. Most of us have been on at least one end of one of these types of relationships.

My reflective silence came to a halt as I realized the enormity of my own responsibility in this situation. I was not the firefighter or the teacher. However, I did remember that I profess to be a bit of a  relationship sage, as well as an advocate of perpetual communication improvement. How embarrassing and disappointing would it be to fail to overcome such a minor situation as the one my family and I experienced. It would be a front page let down to all of those who know me. I can imagine the two judges. One judge is the people of the world and the other is God. The people's front page would say, " Extra Extra, The Ivy's split over hunger, fatigue, and irritability after church". God's front page would say, " The Ivy's split while being a work in process. It happened just prior to their becoming a polished and finished product, and after church". The thought of such an end is much more painful than simply pushing through the painful work involved in the process of relationship building (our product).

Everyone wants the perfection and quality found in the end result, but no one wants to go through the process of work. I implore you to continue the push. It is with food reason. I really feel unappreciated every once and a while. I feel like my conversation should go to a more deserving  bunch of children. Moreover, my wife may not be easily moved or even agreeable at times. However, if I stopped short of the mark, i would be less than I proclaim to be. I am a man of principle who cherishes the challenge of perfecting relationships and communication. I am a leader in my household and my generation. Rosylyn Carter said, “A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader takes people where they don't necessarily want to go, but ought to be.”  I have experienced leaders like what I just quoted, and I aspire to be of that same breed. If you want to be of that breed, keep pushing through the relationship situation that you are in right now and the next one that challenges you.

Here are some tips for pushing through your particular situation:

1. Never engage in serious problem resolution while being tired.
2. Never engage in serious problem resolution while being hungry.
3. Postpone conversations when there are obvious distractions.
4. When thoughts of giving up occurs, think of what you have that many others don't.
5. At first discovery of a negative thought, vanquish it with good thoughts. 
6. Always take time away from the moment to reflect.
7. Remember that quitters never win and keep pushing.