Before The Wedding

Some things that are said and written are things that may cause you to change the entire direction of you life. On the other hand, there are some things that just make you say "humm".  When it comes to marriage, there are many things that can make you raise an eyebrow before the big day.

One might ask, "Do I really love him or her?". Answering that question depends on whose definition of love you are using. The dictionary probably has about twelve definitions. None of those definitions are really any good if the other person does not agree. No matter how much you believe that you love someone, it does not matter if the other person says that you don't. The two of you actually have a division before the marriage ever gets off of the ground. My recommendation is to find out what the other person determines love to be and why.

One might ask, "Do I have a good man or woman?". Answering that question depends on whose definition of a good man or woman you are using. Grandma might have said that a good man is a man that comes home every night. Mama might have said a good man is a man that can fix things emotionally as well as physically. I recall telling a professional female therapist that a man is a protector and a cultivator. She told me that she does not really think of a man as her protector. We obviously had a disconnect in that area. That would pose a huge problem in marriage because that subject was only one dimension of multiple possibilities of ideology differences. Imagine if she does believe that a real man is one that walks the poodle in order to satisfy the need of the poodle owner (her). What happens if I believe that  poodle walking is not what makes a man be a man. I would be downgraded to less than a man, instantly. What happens if the man calls a real woman the type of woman that cooks daily? Coincidentally, the woman in question is the master of microwaves after the vows take place. Without further communication, that particular marriage is doomed. My recommendation is that both people in the relationship thoroughly discuss what the fundamental needs are, and how to meet them. Maybe he says, "oral sex is mandatory for me to consider a female to be a good woman". Maybe she says, "missionary sex is what a real man does to a lady".  All I am saying is, "you better know before you go".


One of the biggest stumbling blocks in marriage is the matter of finances. I am ashamed to say that some of the worst advice that I have ever received, came from "Good 'Ol" church people. I know that not all Christians think equally, but I  do get some good laughs at the different grade levels of biblical understanding. I had a family member give me advice on keeping a happy home and a happy bank. She told me to never let the left hand know what the right hand was doing. She meant that I was not supposed to tell my wife about all of my money. That is a ridiculous seed to sow. Never sow seeds of division at the onset of marriage. I would rather tell her where every cent is located and train her on the subject of me. She has to train me on the subject of her. Some men have to hide it because they think she is going to go buy new boots and a purse. That matter should have been taken care of back in the beginning. Some ladies have to have a separate account because they don't want their shopping controlled by God, the devil, the husband, or anyone. Fix these matters at the beginning, or don't get married. Not all things can be fixed before marriage, but a general direction and understanding of one another's world view can be. Discuss your finances. Don't do it my way, but do it in a way that two can agree upon. If you are already broke as a joke, I recommend putting a monthly percentage in a gift account, especially for the purpose of shopping. That includes her Macy's or his Home Depot.

Opposites may attract, but they can also keep attracting and pulling at each other until the point of destruction. What does he say about beating the children? What does he say about faith and finances? What does she say about the household decision making process? Who gets the last call? Is it a bunch of pirates and no captain, or is someone ultimately responsible? Who is the family landscaper? Are we splitting the bills, or is it all coming from one pot? Are we allowing a big man dog, or the little puffy puppy? Is sex for birthdays and holidays? Is shopping for birthdays and holidays? These are just a small array or the myriad of issues that make you say, "Humm". Think on these things before you say, "I do". Think on a resolve before the wedding day.