DIRECT ASSAULTS ON MANHOOD

Direct Assaults on Manhood

Things to consider

          Some things should either never be said or said very carefully when it comes to men and women. Both men and women are guilty of speaking without considering which area of their mate’s life could be affected. Men are often much too callous when discussing their opinions on their woman’s weight, hair, and other things that the woman seems to think about constantly and daily. It would be safe to say the area is sensitive if there are constant thoughts about it. Women also speak much too quickly with no regard to the fragility of a man’s ego. Like a woman, it often happens in areas that are dwelled upon constantly. Some of the areas following are areas that men may be insecure in.

1.      All Penis jokes referring to size. (If he does not believe you like it, he might as well go).

2.      Sexual performance. (Improvement may be needed, but nobody should be crushed)

3.      Protection (If a man does not feel he can protect you physically, spiritually and emotionally, he feels like a worthless punk. Some even begin to behave such).

4.      Happiness (He knows that he is partially responsible for your happiness. Even statements such as “we are a boring couple”, can give a feeling of worthlessness and failure of responsibility.)

5.      Are you crying?

6.      Do you need me to call my dad to help you fix that?

7.      If you can’t do it, I’ll have someone else do it.

8.      Never mind, you don’t care anyway. (As if he is incapable of caring correctly).

9.      I used to love your hair/legs/style of dress/poems you did/romanticism. (As if it does not exist anymore or he is directly responsible for the loss of it all).

10.  Never mind. (Now he is not even worth your time).

I believe that criticism is a necessary part of growth. However, if more than one person in your past mentions that you can be harsh; I think it may be possible that you cannot fully project the feelings of another person. Sometimes, we are fortunate enough to be placed with a person that helps us in the area where we are weakest. If you are the insensitive person that just says what you feel without regard to how it may be received by the other gender/person, it may behoove you to be attached to a person who will give you plenty of practice thinking through another’s feelings. If you are the person who has a quick fuse that is lit with the fuel of sensitivity, you may be better suited for a person who is going to say things to cross into your areas of sensitivity. Perhaps, you will not be desensitized, but balanced. This holds true for both types of people.

     Ultimately, we are all put on the Earth to master relationships. We must all be well versed in the areas of love, love walks, respect, discipline, discernment, faith, hope, and understanding.

Blog Purpose

I really love to write, and a blog is a good outlet for a writer. I aspire to write in multiple categories including; plays, rap music, gospel,  R&B, even country, poetry, short stories, nonfiction, sermons, and novels. Samples of my writing will be on my blogs. I am also a member of the blog space named Tumblr. I will be adding poems and videos to you tube under the name BigAl Ivy. I have ezine articles that are available. My only published poem is called I Cry. It was published with the National Library of Poetry. I am currently working on a nonfiction book that speaks about the state of relationships, religion, and business in America. It is titled Making America Happy, and it is still in editing process. It is a little rough since it is my first book of such magnitude. Contact me for speaking engagements, poetry readings or design, and miscellaneous events.

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The Pain of the Push

The Pain Of The Push

 

I often write about relationships, and this time shall be no different. The course and product of every relationship will be altered continually. The alterations determine what the relationship looks like and what it will produce. A relationship can produce various types of products such as; hate, depression, frustration, resentment, abuse, stress, death, love, joy, hope, creativity, fulfillment, pleasure, salvation, or even future presidents. Manufacturers know that every product always starts off as raw materials. It then moves to work in process. The last stage is called finished product. This very point is the desire of every customer's heart. We all want the exact product at the exact time that we desire it. The customer is always right! This is the unfortunate attitude that most of us take in our relationships with others. We never make it to the finished good that we hope for. We stop pushing while its still a work in process. One of the keys to success in having any good relationships is pushing through the pain of the process. Come along for the read and let me see if I can assist in the success.

I want my readers to first know that I can relate to the personal pain of pushing through hard times in a relationship. When I say relationship, I am not just talking about boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife pairings. Just this very afternoon, I experienced yet another trying moment with my family. I felt thoroughly unappreciated for a small stretch. I have a wife who is mother of two girls and two boys in my household. At times, I think every member of my six member household is insane. This thought climaxed for a few minutes directly after church (of all places). I was communicating (attempting) with my children as we drove toward our home. I began at least seven conversations. Three of my children never responded with any answer remotely close to the subject. The fourth did not want to be bothered at all. The thing that tipped the iceberg was when my wife got a bit snappy with me because I did not agree that it was humid enough to cut on the air conditioner. Life and relationships are a process that a person of sanity does not always willfully choose to take part in.

This atmosphere in the car disturbed me deeply because emotions trigger other emotions that are not welcome or constructive for the moment. I suddenly felt like I was in the middle of a Chevy Chase Lampoon movie. I told my wife that I used to be the person in the relationship that had chemical imbalances when hungry or tired. That monstrous behavior has apparently transferred to her by osmosis, and I partially take blame. It is kind of like a cold; I had it first. As we bickered, I mentioned that she never behaved so snappy in the past. We have know each other from age 16 until approaching 40 (WOW Jarring Moment). Every issue from the past that had anything to do with poor communication culminated all at that one precipice. I exclaimed to my wife that everyone in the car was either crazy or disrespectful. I further exclaimed that I made a concerted effort over the years to become the total opposite of a raging, chemically imbalanced antagonist. She now walked in those shoes, and my children were her clones. This was the misreckoning of the moment.

There, I sat driving in reflective silence while everyone else carried on as usual. Everyone has experienced such a reflection. It is when you ask yourself rather it is you who is crazy or if it is them. While you await your conclusion, you whisk out all sort of unreasonable resolutions such as; not talking to any of them any more, sharing my wisdom and humor with another family, or just yield to the dark side and do whatever they want, whenever they want. I clamored to come to grips with the reality of the situation. The pressure is always greater when a person asserts that they are the expert, or like an expert in a particular field , and that is the area that the trouble manifests itself. Social workers are embarrassed and befuddled when they have to come to grips with having a behaviorally challenged child. Teachers hate it when they try everything and they fail to help their own kid become academically sound. What firefighter wants an arsonist as a son or daughter? I mean, preachers have never appreciated bailing their boy out of the slammer. Most of us have been on at least one end of one of these types of relationships.

My reflective silence came to a halt as I realized the enormity of my own responsibility in this situation. I was not the firefighter or the teacher. However, I did remember that I profess to be a bit of a  relationship sage, as well as an advocate of perpetual communication improvement. How embarrassing and disappointing would it be to fail to overcome such a minor situation as the one my family and I experienced. It would be a front page let down to all of those who know me. I can imagine the two judges. One judge is the people of the world and the other is God. The people's front page would say, " Extra Extra, The Ivy's split over hunger, fatigue, and irritability after church". God's front page would say, " The Ivy's split while being a work in process. It happened just prior to their becoming a polished and finished product, and after church". The thought of such an end is much more painful than simply pushing through the painful work involved in the process of relationship building (our product).

Everyone wants the perfection and quality found in the end result, but no one wants to go through the process of work. I implore you to continue the push. It is with food reason. I really feel unappreciated every once and a while. I feel like my conversation should go to a more deserving  bunch of children. Moreover, my wife may not be easily moved or even agreeable at times. However, if I stopped short of the mark, i would be less than I proclaim to be. I am a man of principle who cherishes the challenge of perfecting relationships and communication. I am a leader in my household and my generation. Rosylyn Carter said, “A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader takes people where they don't necessarily want to go, but ought to be.”  I have experienced leaders like what I just quoted, and I aspire to be of that same breed. If you want to be of that breed, keep pushing through the relationship situation that you are in right now and the next one that challenges you.

Here are some tips for pushing through your particular situation:

1. Never engage in serious problem resolution while being tired.
2. Never engage in serious problem resolution while being hungry.
3. Postpone conversations when there are obvious distractions.
4. When thoughts of giving up occurs, think of what you have that many others don't.
5. At first discovery of a negative thought, vanquish it with good thoughts. 
6. Always take time away from the moment to reflect.
7. Remember that quitters never win and keep pushing.

Family Prescription

Alphonso Ivy Jr.                                             

                                                 Family Prescription

When God made the world

   

There was purpose in mind

He desired a friend

He created mankind

He wanted fellowship

From a heart like his own

He created us in his image

To never be alone

We’ll have one another

‘Till the end of all time

The very first family

Was God and mankind

We are to sacrifice

To love and to live

To laugh to joke

 To hug and forgive

Love hope and faith

The epicenter of all

Truth mercy and grace

With that, who can fall?

If I wanted to be rich

I’d watch a millionaire

If I wanted good health

I’d seek a doctor’s care

If I desire to know

How a real family works

I look at the father

And what he did first

He created he gave

He protected he saved

He loved his family

In infinite ways

We have our example

Of just what to do

We build our foundation

With the first rock we knew

There can be no re-union

Without first having union

No point in fellowshipping

Without intimate communion

We must bond as one

With endless communication

And fortify the ties with

The next generation

Let us always keep

That family fire burning

Keep on loving one another

‘till the world stops turning.

A Loved One Poem

That Moment

That moment is upon us all again

When time stands still

When we search deep within

When we ask ourselves

Is this really the end

Or is this the switch

Where the true light begins

Is it the breaking apart

And loss of a friend

Or the shaking of hearts

When Jesus comes in

Making new starts

And beginning to mend

That moment is upon us all again.

Some of us don’t really know our belief

Should we be in pain, should we be in grief

Should we feel a burden or should we feel relief

Do we slump over in loss or walk in perfect peace

Well, God has answers for all of those who came

Release your hurt and release your pain

Peace be upon you in Jesus name.

To be absent from the body

Is to be present with the Lord

She’s in heaven with me now

Because she did her part

She gave her life to me

inviting Jesus in her heart.

She believed with all her soul

She confessed Jesus Christ

Heaven is rejoicing

She has un-dying life.

If there was a final moment

That she could come and speak

If there was a final mission

That she wanted to complete

She’d gather the entire family

And tell them who to seek

She’d tell them that this moment

Would come around again

If you give your life to Christ

This will not be the end

If you live your life with love

We shall meet again.

Alphonso Ivy Jr.



Mate Patience

Mate Patience

I often speak from a Christian centrist perspective. However, I am just communicating with you this time. Wait, who am I kidding? A person's centrism is a person's centrism. If you talk to a person who has been schooled in social work, they will ultimately give you a perspective that comes from within their frame of reference. Thus, it would be futile for me to apologize about my Christian centrism. Having said that though, I always try to speak as fairly and broadly as possible in order to address a wider range of issues for a wider community. Perhaps we can think of this first paragraph as my opening disclaimer.This document has its limitations due to size constraints. Specific questions can be directed to my twitter handle(@phonsoivy), blog spot reply, or general inbox on Facebook.

It has been brought to my attention that there are many hurting women out there who have patiently waited for a mate to no avail. Some have told me that they are ready to throw in the towel because they believe that there are no Godly men out there. They tell me there are no good men out there. Some even say there are no men with jobs out there. I will attempt to address what it means to wait, what should be done while waiting on a good man, and how to actively wait on a good man. I will attempt to answer this in a general way so that even a non-christian can receive something here.

The first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word wait is often a picture of yourself being still. That would be a misguided thought. In fact, such a mental picture would be better described as being still, standing still, or sitting still. Wait does not necessarily mean that one should be still. If you go into an eatery and get a waiter, what is her or she doing? They are moving! Moreover, you manage to tip the waiter that moves the most and the fastest. They are considered great if they are actually efficient during those fast movements. A good waiter is always busy doing something. If we are waiting on a mate, it should be no different than a waiter waiting on a table. We should be doing whatever we can do to get a tip. We should be doing whatever we can do to be to give the best service and be the one that all the big tippers are beating down the door to get. Lets use the action verb for wait rather than the being verb. Now, it is time for action.

Ladies and gentlemen, you are going to have to use your mouths more often. Oh no, nasty, I don't mean it how you are thinking it. I mean you are going to have to make a positive confession. Christians call it confessing or calling things into existence. It is found in Proverbs 18:21. Some Atheist have called it "The Secret". School teachers call it an affirmation. Whatever you want to call it does not matter as long as you call it. An example of a general affirmation is, I have no more debt in my life. It is positive and present tense. A Christian would ask for it while applying an applicable scripture. They would thank God for the thing while believing that they already have received it in the spirit realm. It just has not manifested into the natural realm. They thank him until it appears. The Secret is about thinking it, calling it, and willing it into the universe. Three different sources have similar methods. Maybe you better choose one! If you want a spouse, confess one.

A person has to actively wait instead of murmuring, complaining, or even worrying. Wait is an action verb in this document. Part of patience is attitude. Everyone seems to forget that part. Change your thoughts so that you can patiently wait. Change thoughts by changing what you are hearing. That means you may have to throw away some programs, books, processes, or friends. Make your confession and make a point to hear things that are centered around your confession. A Christian might say faith comes by hearing. A great professor or coach may say repetition or practice makes perfect. During this time of waiting, you should be developing yourself with all of the positive hearing. You should develop yourself further with purposeful additions to your life that will benefit your future spouse, your family, and yourself.

Lets Summarize:

1. Waiting means being active.
2. Use your mouth to confess
3. Create a good attitude by surrounding yourself with positive things centered around your goal.
4. Develop yourself by adding things that are apart of the future you.